Friday, June 21, 2013
2 weeks?!
I just realized that I leave for Scotland in a little over 2 weeks. Holy shiiiit. I sort of keep fooling myself into thinking that it's not real, it's not really happening. But it is. So that's a thing.
Monday, June 3, 2013
What does anxiety feel like?
I get this question a lot, and you'd think I'd have a better answer after six years.
The way I always described it was that it feels like you're stuck at the top of a roller coaster juuuust before you crest the hill and drop. But I don't like using this example, because I've never actually been on a roller coaster. But I digress.
When your body thinks that you're in danger, it causes certain reactions that are meant to help you either defend yourself against the danger, or flee from it. This is typically a good thing. But anxiety is when your brain decides it's in danger when you're not at all, like in a group of friends, or eating dinner, or trying to fall asleep. But your body gets a flood of adrenaline to aid in fight-or-flight anyway, because those pillows are really threatening and dangerous. But since you're not in any real danger, there's no sign that triggers your brain to STOP SENDING ADRENALINE. And, in addition to this, your body starts a cycle from hell in that your brain is recognizing the symptoms of anxiety and thinking that there MUST be a danger nearby for the body to be reacting, so it keeps up sending in the adrenaline to help fight off the danger.
Unless you're an adrenaline junkie (which I don't think many people with anxiety are, to be honest), this gets really uncomfortable really quickly. The symptoms of anxiety are different for everyone, but mine include flu-like symptoms, clammy palms, numbness in my hands and feet, alternating between freezing and burning up, and a crushing pressure in my chest. How any of these are helpful when fighting off a potential danger, I have no idea.
So this is what anxiety feels like. It's being constantly terrified of a threat that isn't even there.
The way I always described it was that it feels like you're stuck at the top of a roller coaster juuuust before you crest the hill and drop. But I don't like using this example, because I've never actually been on a roller coaster. But I digress.
When your body thinks that you're in danger, it causes certain reactions that are meant to help you either defend yourself against the danger, or flee from it. This is typically a good thing. But anxiety is when your brain decides it's in danger when you're not at all, like in a group of friends, or eating dinner, or trying to fall asleep. But your body gets a flood of adrenaline to aid in fight-or-flight anyway, because those pillows are really threatening and dangerous. But since you're not in any real danger, there's no sign that triggers your brain to STOP SENDING ADRENALINE. And, in addition to this, your body starts a cycle from hell in that your brain is recognizing the symptoms of anxiety and thinking that there MUST be a danger nearby for the body to be reacting, so it keeps up sending in the adrenaline to help fight off the danger.
Unless you're an adrenaline junkie (which I don't think many people with anxiety are, to be honest), this gets really uncomfortable really quickly. The symptoms of anxiety are different for everyone, but mine include flu-like symptoms, clammy palms, numbness in my hands and feet, alternating between freezing and burning up, and a crushing pressure in my chest. How any of these are helpful when fighting off a potential danger, I have no idea.
So this is what anxiety feels like. It's being constantly terrified of a threat that isn't even there.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
My name is Jessie, I am 21, and I am a sufferer of chronic anxiety. I've lived with anxiety since I was 15, but in July I am going to undertake my biggest challenge yet: I am traveling overseas for the first time to Scotland, visiting a friend. Alone. For two weeks.
Holy fuck.
In a desperate hope to somehow manage the anxiety that I knew this trip would generate, I have started seeing a therapist, Dr. Z, to learn some techniques that may help me cope or prevent panic attacks so I can have a good time on my vacation without constantly being aware of the crippling unfamiliarity of everything about my situation. (Deep breaths.) Dr. Z has been treating me with EMDR therapy, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I'm not entirely sure what all that means, but I watch a flashing light and think about things a lot. I'm not sure if it's helping. Time will tell, I suppose.
But along the way, I'm also trying to find out for myself different methods that will comfort me when I'm feeling anxious. This isn't something I'm particularly talented at, but I'm trying. We'll see how it goes.
Bear with me, folks.
Holy fuck.
In a desperate hope to somehow manage the anxiety that I knew this trip would generate, I have started seeing a therapist, Dr. Z, to learn some techniques that may help me cope or prevent panic attacks so I can have a good time on my vacation without constantly being aware of the crippling unfamiliarity of everything about my situation. (Deep breaths.) Dr. Z has been treating me with EMDR therapy, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I'm not entirely sure what all that means, but I watch a flashing light and think about things a lot. I'm not sure if it's helping. Time will tell, I suppose.
But along the way, I'm also trying to find out for myself different methods that will comfort me when I'm feeling anxious. This isn't something I'm particularly talented at, but I'm trying. We'll see how it goes.
Bear with me, folks.
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